Barf the Barbarian – OUT NOW!

Available now from Amazon in Kindle and paperback formats, a new series of heroic fantasy short stories begins, culminating in “The Chronicles of Barf the Barbarian”.

Know, O prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the Sons of Hairyass, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars – Hyperbolea and Bongia with its dark-haired women and towers of spider-haunted mystery, Stingia with its shadow-guarded tombs, Funkia  whose riders wore mantles of silk and gold.* But the proudest Kingdom of the world was Aquaviti, reigning supreme in the dreaming west.

Hither staggered Barf the Barbarian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, intellectually challenged and ale-addled. He bore before him his magical sword, Humdinger, ** and was often accompanied by the female warrior known only as the Red Sonja***. She followed him partly as he was a thief, a reaver, a slayer, yet she mostly accompanied him more out of curiosity than anything, for he was a man with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, and of him the prophecies all said that one day, o prince, he would tread the jewelled thrones of the Earth under his sandaled feet. ****

*The Funkian raiders were extremely fashion conscious, but also equally lazy. Basically any old bit of tat would do as long as it shone when the sun hit it.

** Trademark of Hyperbolean blades New Disneyia Inc.™ applies worldwide.

*** Real name Sandra. It just didn’t go with the sword.

**** The prophecies don’t actually say UNDER as such. In fact, it is reported in “The history of feats and Majics of Hyperbolea” More as a health and safety incident. Yet the Aquavitins were nothing if not ones for embellishing a tale.

 

Torches flared murkily on the revels in the Shambles where the thieves of the city held carnival by night. It was a place where the revellers could pursue their passions to their fullest, for here there were no limits to the lengths to which the criminals of the city would not descend. Well spent coin given to the city guard and the tavern owners alike ensured that.  The shambles had its own code, but it did not match with that of the rest of the city, and that suited both parties perfectly. It was often said that it was always the case that a visitor would wipe their feet only when leaving The Shambles, not when entering it…So into the city of Zingo strode Barf the Barbarian in search of the tower of the Anas Platyrhynchos and the heart of the Anas Platyrhynchos that was held by the shadowy figure of the priest Yobo, within. With his (somewhat magical if not downright annoying) magical sword, Humdinger and a very odd encounter with the Prince of Thieves (never shake his hand), Barf definitely has his work cut out for him this time…“Barf the Barbarian in the tower of the Anas Platyrhynchos” is the first short story in the Chronicles of Barf the Barbarian, a new series of not entirely serious heroic fantasy from the slightly worrying mind of best-selling author, Michael White.

(Oh, and there’s a map.)

(We’re really sorry about the map.)

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s